This is a great example of taking an older contest entry that you believe in and tweaking it to get a better result.
I first entered a version of this story at On The Premises. The theme was "home" and I wanted to explore the idea of a broken home. After receiving the feedback from them - I made some edits.
- I gave my narrator a name
- I toned down her antics to focus just on the family aspect
- I sought to leave the reader with few unanswered questions
In my first attempt, I experimented with minimal dialogue. On a second look, I prefer dialogue. I think it gives the other characters more depth, other than just the narrator's point of view.
He said I was beautiful.
"You look beautiful." He said.
I also reworked the ending a bit.
See the final result here. http://www.writers-village.org/12-4-worrell.php
Who knows if this is the last iteration of Confessions? I don't plan on reworking it anytime soon, but you never know....
Congratulations Nate! Glad we could help.ReplyDelete